gp Hardrock

Around the Bend

Come On Join the Joyride

gp Hardrock

Just testing

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Writer's Block: “We built this city on rock and roll”
gp Hardrock
What are your favorite song lyrics, and why?

All time favorite is: Is this not within your realm of understanding? A fifty second capacity of mind too demanding? - Drama by Erasure

Runners up:
if you are not very careful
your possessions will possess you
tv taught me how to feel
now real life has no appeal
it has no appeal
Oh No! by Marina and the Diamonds

Your mind is just like mine/all filled up with things benign Hollywood by Marina and the Diamonds

the entirety of History of Modern Part 1 by OMD

and Oh, now look what you've gone and done
You're creating pandemonium
That song you sing means everything to me
I'm living in ecstasy

The world's gone mad, what did you do?
Telling perfect strangers that I love you
The stars and the sun dance to your drum
And now it's pandemonium
Pandemonium by The Pet Shop Boys

Writer's Block: Bone-chilling birthday wishes
gp Hardrock
It's Stephen King's birthday! Who is your favorite character from one of his books?

So many. My all time fave is Stu Redman from "The Stand" and I thought Gary Sinise did a great job playing him in the mini-series.
Im not a big fan of children characters but I found Ki from "Bag of Bones" truly adorable.
I also liked Sue from "Carrie". She tried to do the right thing. It just didn't work out well.

gp Hardrock
Ive decided to go simple with my book title. Mirindar is the name of the fantasy world that it partially takes part in...or at least this one takes part in. I guess I can consider a possible sequel but Im not promising anything. Right now the plot is going somewhere slightly different that what I anticipated. Those pesky characters doing whatever they want. I guess Tommy Jenkins didn't just to be a referred to person in the prologue so he called our main male character. Now I just need to figure out exactly why he called. Well I know WHY, but Im not sure why he called the main character.

(no subject)
Im insane. That is the only possible answer.

gp Hardrock
I think I figured it out. My Margaret is the granddaughter of Joseph and very possibly the daughter of James Bigley. The daughter of Joseph is Margaret Bigley who married Aaron Glass. I never looked at her before although I have seen the marriage. She was born in PA 1798 which makes her fit nicely in After Nathan but before Joseph Jr. She died sometime after 1870, the last census in which she appeared but I cant find her death. Aaron Glass was buried at Rock Hill Cemetery and died 1865, but her grave isnt listed in the book and no record at family search. Since none of Aaron'S children were hers, she was his second wife, none of the people researching him seem to care about her. I kind of feel bad for her that just because she didnt have kids no one really bothers with remembering her.
I still think John was a son of Joseph but something happened which cause him to be disowned. Obviously this wasnt a big deal to Margaret Bigley Parks as the family kept in touch with each other.

Genealogy problem.... The BIgleys
gp Hardrock
My 3x great grandmother was Margaret Bigley Parks. She was born in 1818 in Ohio. She died 15 November 1884. In 1870 living with Margaret and her family was Hamilton Bigley. Hamilton later married my 2x great aunt Mary Ayers. Hamilton's father was John Bigley (b. 1806 in Ohio) and mother was Nancy Ann Reed.

In many trees Margaret's father was listed as Joseph Bigley Sr. b. ~1775 in England or North Ireland.
Notes from his will appear online which read:

Book: Belmont County History, 1988, page 109, article written by: Janot Hutchins Coe:
Commons Pleas Journal "A" Pg. 188 of Belmont Co lists the naturalizationof Joseph Bigley, a native of England. What is known of his family is contained inthe will probated in November 1844 showingheirs as sons, Nathen B., Joseph, Thomas, dau. Margaret, grand dau. Marget Parks and a bequest that head and foot stones be placed at "my own, my wife's and dau. Nancy's graves". Another bequest was "To my son James bigley's children by the last wife", sixty dollars to be equaly divided betweenthem". No record of an earlier marriage has been found.

So what I have is:
Joseph Bigley b. 1775 d.November 1844
+ Unknown
1. James Bigley b. 1792 Maryland
+Margaret Wilson

2. Nathan B. Bigley (b. 1795 Pennsylvania d. 16 October 1844)
+ Elizabeth Richards

3. Joseph Jr. (b. 4 March 1801 Ohio d. 8 May 1882)
+ Elizabeth Cor
i. Margaret b. 1836

4. Thomas W. (b. 1802 Ohio )
+ Mary Milligan

5. Nancy (b. ~1810 Ohio d.~1840)

This covers the main children supposedly mentioned in the will. John, Hamilton's father being born in 1806 would fit nicely between Thomas and Nancy, but if he was Joseph's son why was he not mentioned. Then we have Margaret.
Margaret being born in 1818 would fit well as a granddaughter but with Joseph Jr's daughter Margaret Id say she was the granddaughter and my Margaret was the daughter but that is a lot of time between 1810 and 1818. Was Joseph's wife very young when they married? Was there a 2nd wife that could have been the mother of Nancy and Margaret? Were there miscarriages between the two births? Was Margaret simply a late in life baby?
I guess I should get a copy of the will and look for clues. Just a PIA and Id need to wire money rather than write a check. Ive lots of checks but none with the new address and I hate to have to buy new ones.

Okay so the will states Margaret was the granddaughter. Ive been looking at the dates and wonder if maybe Margaret was an out of wedlock baby to James and his wife. They married in 1820 but they also have a daughter Letitia born 1822. Margaret had a daughter name Letitia... maybe after her sister? Or perhaps James was married shortly to Margaret's mother and since she is already called granddaughter Margaret Parks then maybe the children of James' second wife are Letitia and her five other siblings.

Writer's Block: See you on the other side
gp Hardrock
If you could find out what happens after you die, would you want to know?

Sure. Why not. I just believe there is nothingness. Id be curious to see if I am right. Some of the alternatives are interesting but unbelievable to me.

in an overview
gp Hardrock
In an overview of my life....well there is nothing to view over. My life is non-existent. I never accomplish anything. I dont have any goals. Nothing I want to accomplish anyway. My goal was escaping my mother and the hell that was Tampa. I had no friends. From the time I turned 13 no one liked me. I was made fun of at every turn. My goal was to escape. I did that and I had no goal to replace it with. Had I had one I wouldnt have studied the most worthless subject matter. I would have found something I could make a life with.
What did I have for role models? None. My mother was a role model in what not to do. She was and is such a shut in recluse I never had the opportunity to meet anyone who may have influenced my life into doing something worthwhile. Other people meet their parent's friends. My mother, like me, didnt have any. Sure when we were in Virginia before she became a total nut case. Dont ask me what Jennifer's mother did though. I dont remember. I think she may have been a nurse. Nursing isnt for me. Id have no bedside manner. I know that doesnt deter many but I think it is important. But other than Jennifer's mother my mother had no friends.
I never lived near family so I have no idea what they did or do. I remember my grandmother pushing accounting. Not a good job for someone as poor at math as I am. Also boring. I dont need excitement just not to fall asleep while learning.
I mean there were job examples from TV but people were just those jobs. No one discussed how to get one. My guidance counselor was worthless on that front. Her job was to make sure the number of students heading to 4 year universities was high enough. She didnt want to actually cousel.
I was on my own with no clue and no way to get one. I picked a school that was above my knowledge and barely made it all to escape. Instead I left the horror situation I was in and make an ever bigger disaster out of my life.
I have no idea what to do next because I have no idea what I want. I have no desires. No dreams, other than to die. Everything I touch turns to trash.
And the worst thing is I have no way to end it. I have no pills here. I have no razor blades.I suppose if I angled the one I use to dehair my face correctly it might work but I have a feeling any wounds would be superficial. Im considering pulling a plastic bag over my head and sealing it to my neck with duct tape. It seems like the cleanest way to go. Ive no desire to go on at all. I cant make myself leave the house to go to the gym, or doctor. And the doctors have such fucking stupid hours even if I did feel like it I wouldnt make it over when one is actually in. 9-11am and then 2 days a week with 16-18 too. What the fuck!
But it doesnt matter. I just want to be free.

(no subject)
gp Hardrock
panic attack
I feel like my world is caving in
I cant breathe
No goals.No life. Sitting here wasting away.


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